Domination by BAND-MAID

“A common pattern has emerged for women. Marry and have kids with a husband helping raise them during those early difficult years. Then divorce after they’re in school, and collect child support. This gets the children she wants without the bother of having a husband.”

The relationship between men and women is just one element of what’s going on. There is also the woman’s relationship with the kids. For women after divorce, the kids are no longer “our kids” but “my kids.” This is another unintended effect of the court system assigning kids to one spouse. They become a possession, if only on a subconscious level.

What I’m seeing now on social media are women who get married briefly, then cast aside the husband and become a sort of “couple” with the child. If it’s a girl, she becomes her “best friend.” If it’s a boy, he’s her “little man.” Photos alone tell the story. These women inevitably pose with their children in the same way they previously did with their man. Someday, sociologists will look back on this and wonder.

In essence, the kid becomes a surrogate spouse. The term “surrogate spouse” was invented by psychologists to describe relationships in which adults enlist a child to take on the emotional supporting of role of adult.

That phrase also connoted something abnormal. My fear is that this is now so widespread that it’s becoming the norm. “Emotional incest” with children is slowly replacing standard marriage for women.

I think this is the reason we’re seeing so much dysfunction with Millennials. Years ago, mom and dad were a team and pushed the kids along on their way to adulthood. But today, the parent-child relationship seems to go on and on because when the kids go away, it’s like a second divorce for mom. Not good. – Days of Broken Arrows