Hilarious Chinglish by ADV China

"None of us is ever going to leave this godforsaken wasteland. What is it with this place? It’s like a radioactive Georgia O’Keefe hellscape out there, crawling with coral snakes and scorpions. Ever seen the movie The Hills Have Eyes? It’s a documentary. God forbid your car breaks down and you have to walk ten steps. You got a melanoma the size of a pineapple where your head used to be.” – Better Call Saul, Season 1, Episode 10

Escape To Eternity by Sir Ridley & Waveshaper

Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world
Like a Colossus, and we petty men
Walk under his huge legs and peep about
To find ourselves dishonorable graves.

Men at some time are masters of their fates.
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.

“Brutus” and “Caesar”...
What should be in that “Caesar”?
Why should that name be sounded more than yours?
Write them together, yours is as fair a name;
Sound them, it doth become the mouth as well;
Weigh them, it is as heavy; conjure with ’em,
“Brutus” will start a spirit as soon as “Caesar.”

Now, in the names of all the gods at once,
Upon what meat doth this our Caesar feed
That he is grown so great? Age, thou art shamed!
Rome, thou hast lost the breed of noble bloods!

When could they say, till now, that talked of Rome,
That her wide walks encompassed but one man?
Now is it Rome indeed, and room enough
When there is in it but only one man.

O, you and I have heard our fathers say
There was a Brutus once that would have brooked
Th’ eternal devil to keep his state in Rome
As easily as a king.

Julius Caesar, Act I, Scene II
William Shakespeare, 1564 - 1616
Cassius speaks to Brutus

Ocean Skin Miracle Essence

A Thai commercial for skin care brand Ocean Skin recently has been making its rounds on Chinese social media. The popularity of the 2.5-minute ad once again proves the international success of Thai commercials.

Commercials from Thailand are hugely popular on Chinese social media; there are even entire accounts fully dedicated to sharing them online. The latest hit is a funny campaign by Ocean Skin that shows a young woman who would do anything to achieve that perfect skin. The commercial was posted on a popular funny video Weibo channel (@冷笑话精选), from where it was soon shared over 14,000 times within a few hours after it was posted.

“Thai commercials are better than movies,” one commenter said. Other netizens hold similar opinions, saying that Thai commercials are in a league of their own. Thai commercials often are indeed like short movies, as they greatly focus on narrative and plot. Music also plays an important part in creating the commercial’s movie-like atmosphere. It is noteworthy that many Thai commercials, both sad and funny, focus on overcoming personal challenges and convey morals about not giving up.

America by Chris Hedges

Civilizations over the past 6,000 years have unfailingly squandered their futures through acts of colossal stupidity and hubris. We are probably not an exception. The physical ruins of these empires, including the Mesopotamian, Roman, Mayan and Indus, litter the earth. They elevated, during acute distress, inept and corrupt leaders who channeled anger, fear and dwindling resources into self-defeating wars and vast building projects.

The ruling oligarchs, driven by greed and hedonism, retreated into privileged compounds—the Forbidden City, Versailles—and hoarded wealth as their populations endured mounting misery and poverty. The worse it got, the more the people lied to themselves and the more they wanted to be lied to. Reality was too painful to confront. They retreated into what anthropologists call “crisis cults,” which promised the return of the lost world through magical beliefs.

“The most significant characteristic of modern civilization is the sacrifice of the future for the present,” philosopher and psychologist William James wrote, “and all the power of science has been prostituted to this purpose.”

We are entering this final phase of civilization, one in which we are slashing the budgets of the very agencies that are vital to prepare for the devastation ahead—the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration, the Federal Emergency Management Administration and the Environmental Protection Agency, along with programs at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration dealing with climate change. Hurricane after hurricane, monster storm after monster storm, flood after flood, wildfire after wildfire, drought after drought will gradually cripple the empire, draining its wealth and resources and creating swathes of territory defined by lawlessness and squalor. – Chris Hedges

Predator by Rageaholic

Scott says:

I was not infantry. But here is what I recall from my two most recent deployments. (2011 and 2014). Upon arrival in theater, there is a sorting process that goes on, not exactly out in the open, but its pretty obvious. It does not matter if you are married, single, whatever.

Within the first, I would guess, two weeks, you receive signals of intention from the girls who are interested in having a one year (or however long your deployment is scheduled to be) temporary arrangement. If you have not paired up within that two weeks, you have made it clear that you are not going to take part in the year long mission that happens to break out during the bang-fest.

Everyone knows who is f&$#ing whom. It is not a secret. You can pull them aside and say “hey man, I thought you were married. What the f&%$ are you doing?” This will only brand you as totally NOT DOWN with the party and you will spend the rest of your deployment eating at the Kandahar Burger King by yourself. I didn’t really mind, because I still had my marriage intact.

Back home, the wives are getting pregnant, getting abortions or claiming they were raped (because of the inconvenient timing of the pregnancies). Mychael was a civilian nurse working at an on-post clinic while I was downrange and could tell some stories. She also got regularly hit on, even by officers in my chain of command when they found she was home alone while I was deployed.

The suicide rate climbs and continues to be correlated with infidelity, break ups, frivorce, etc and everyone keeps willfully and ignorantly pretending that what is needed are MORE mental health professionals and other attempts to attack the symptom, not the cause. If we shove online suicide prevention trainings down their throats, maybe THEN they will stop killing themselves!

People are f&%$ing animals. They will have sex in dirty, dusty conexes, behind latrines, INSIDE latrines, whatever. Huge portions of the military have a way bigger share of STDs then the general population. All the while, nobody ever thinks to ask, “maybe its the mixing of the two in this environment that is the issue.”

Morgan Fallon and Joe Rogan

Martha Stout, author of “The Sociopath Next Door” estimates that the rate of sociopathy in the general population is about 4%. That’s 1 out of 25. Here’s a quote:

“After listening for almost twenty-five years to the stories my patients tell me about sociopaths who have invaded and injured their lives, when I am asked, “How can I tell whom not to trust?” the answer I give usually surprises people. The natural expectation is that I will describe some sinister-sounding detail of behavior or snippet of body language or threatening use of language that is the subtle giveaway. Instead, I take people aback by assuring them that the tip-off is none of these things, for none of these things is reliably present.

Rather, the best clue is, of all things, the pity play. The most reliable sign of a sociopath is their appeal to a normal’s person sympathy, despite their abusive, destructive, manipulative, and mendacious behavior. “If, instead, you find yourself often pitying someone who consistently hurts you or other people, and who actively campaigns for your sympathy, the chances are close to 100 percent that you are dealing with a sociopath.”