Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Tech Support Tuesdays

Markus: how i imagine okcupid dates http://delicioustacos.com/2014/07/03/the-wolf-witch/
Meg: “he believed that women could smell pheromones through phones and computers.”
Meg: i feel like u guys r soul mates
Markus: i hear the call of the nightbird
Meg: crap you should NOT have shown me this. i can’t stop reading and this cafe closes at 7pm EST
Markus: EST UR MUM
Meg: “which means they were impregnated by someone whose last words will be “hold my beer, watch this.”
Meg: OMG I’m dying “…can never be attracted to a guy who makes a regular paycheck and doesn’t go around looking to punch people. So, that relationship is doomed."
Jesse: https://i.imgur.com/81SaUPt.gifv

Scot: waddup
Markus: reading about zuck giving $100M to jersey http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/05/19/schooled
Karalyn: yeah that didn’t work out well i believe
Markus: globalism is your friend we have a few more credit card offers for you
Scot: hmm you seem like a trustworthy fellow
Scot: can i give you my ssn right now?
Scot: my mothers maiden name is shitentrauser
Markus: happy holidays turklenips https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmSgv9A_ZqM
Scot: holy shit the ying yang twins
Jesse: happy twerk day
Markus: i'm sculpting her ass out of mashed potatoes like richard dreyfuss in close encounters

Markus: Hafþór Björnsson aka 'The Mountain' from Game of Thrones does World Record Keg Toss https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdcnUdzab7E
Jesse: hahaha
Jesse: partied with that guy before in NYC
Jesse: he left with two girls about the fourth of the size of him
Karalyn: star wars was gay
Markus: did the vicodin help?
Markus: was lukes daughter buthexed by darth schlong?
Karalyn: can’t wait to rip down the xmas tree and light it on fire
Markus: just stay home and take a bubble bath and rose petal candles and shit
Markus: damn kids in michigan getting lead poisoning http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3360837/Flint-mayor-declares-state-emergency-water-problems.html

Markus: "This is why I believe in preemptive drama theory. She is going to start shit. She has a biological need for drama. So do yourself a favor and start shit first. Basically women thrive off of emotional variety the way men thrive off of sexual variety. This is why women will just start shit for no fucking reason when shit is going well. The trick, therefore, is to approach it the way woodland firefighters do. By having controlled burns, they reduce the fuel for a forest fire to occur. With women, this means making them feel a range of emotions, even if it's just an act. Throw a little english on the ball for no reason. This will quench their need for emotional variety." – GayLubeOil

Karalyn: who are we talking about?
Markus: all of them
Markus: they are empty souls craving to be filled with emotions
Karalyn: you’re citing people who don’t have hobbies
Karalyn: and people who have daddy issues
Markus: http://www.walmart.com/ip/5026676
Markus: sending them teddy bears of each others selfies lol
Markus: double ahole achievement unlocked
Karalyn: OMG